Rachael's Recheck

she's crying because I touched her with my cold hands. 

As you may remember, Rachael was weighing below average at her 4 month check-up. So, early this morning she went in for her weight recheck. With all the eating she has been doing, I thought for sure she would have gained at least a pound over the last month. But it turns out, somehow, she has LOST two ounces!!! Because this was not an official appointment, we weren't able to see the doctor. I had been told when I scheduled the recheck that the nurse would weigh her and the doctor would contact me as soon as possible to discuss concerns, should there be any. Well, needless to say as soon as I saw 11lbs. 8 oz. on the scale, I couldn't believe my eyes. How could this happen? I have been feeding her every 2 hours and just start solids! 

As the mother of my precious babies, I take their healthy and happiness personal. So, when I saw that Rachael had actually lost weight, my mind started to race- What did I do wrong? Am I not feeding her enough? Is my milk not good enough for her? Is there something more serious going on? Did I do something wrong when I was pregnant with her?

Soon my mind was racing off the tracks. 

When we got home I told Ryan about the recheck [he was not nearly as concerned- that's why we work so well together. I worry, he doesn't]. I tried to go about our daily routine. I made breakfast for everyone, fed Rachael [cereal, then nursed], cleaned up the kitchen, but my mind still continued to race. How could this be? Was that scale right? Were my eyes playing tricks on me? No. I went back and looked at the picture. 11lbs. 8 oz. 

I began to really worry. By this point, Ryan and David were gone to the local Feed and Seed store and Rachael was taking a nap. I had a load of David and Rachael's laundry to fold. As I picked up the first piece- a tiny, pink, size 3 months sleeper, my heart began to ache. Tears started streaming down my face. I fell to my knees. I began to pray. It was all I knew to do. What is wrong with my baby girl? Why isn't she growing? Where did I go wrong? Please God, show me what I need to do to help her!  I was sobbing. 

I called Ma, and then Twinkle, to talk it over. I knew they would both understand my concerns and would also pray for their granddaughter without hesitation. After talking to them, my fears and mind were at peace. 

Soon the pediatrician's office called wanting to know if I could come in first thing tomorrow morning to discuss Rachael's weight. I asked them if they had an opening this afternoon, but they didn't. So, we will go back tomorrow and hopefully get some encouraging advice. I know it may not seem like a big deal to some, but it is to me. I want my little girl to thrive and be healthy. It is my job, my calling in life, to raise happy, healthy, good, God-fearing children. So, when one of these is being compromised, it bothers me to the core.